On Ambition

I can’t remember when it started.

I wasn’t exceptionally high achieving academically in high school, but even at 15, I was riddled with a certain level of raw ambition.

Not in a good way.

For some, this competitive spirit manifests in sports.

For me, it was video games.

I would practice for hours in my parent’s home office, where we kept the old Toshiba box TV.

These days playing video games for “practice’ might not seem quite so far-fetched.

But back then, e-sports was just becoming a thing.

Halo 2 was my addiction of choice.

I’d memorize the placement for packs of grenades or everywhere the Battle Rifle spawned on popular multi-player maps like Lockout and Midship.

I competed in local tournaments and eventually convinced my dad to drive me to Meadowlands, New Jersey, to compete in the Major League Gaming tournament with the best in the world.

This same drive to compete and achieve followed me from high school into college and then spilled over in my pursuit of being a rapper, which I chased for ten years until finally, 9 months ago, I gave it up.

I was so attached to the identity of this dream that letting it go meant giving up the core identity of who I thought I was.

The last year has been challenging (to say the least), but now that I’m approaching the anniversary of my complete mental/spiritual breakdown, I wanted to share ideas that I’ve been working through.

Our Work Doesn’t Have To Be Who We Are

When we tie our identity exclusively to our work, we risk losing sight of the other areas of life.

We become so consumed with job titles, promotions, and external validation that we forget our passions, values, and personal relationships.

We often neglect our well-being and relationships in this relentless pursuit of professional success.

The Hidden Costs of Success

While success in the professional realm is often celebrated, there are hidden costs to tying our identity to our work.

We may achieve external markers of success, such as a prestigious job title or financial abundance, but at what expense?

We risk sacrificing our family, friends, and selves for societal expectations.

Ironically, in giving ourselves entirely over to work, we fail to nurture the aspects of life that actually leave us fulfilled.

That said, just because it is one way to live doesn’t mean it’s the only way.

#1. Embracing Multidimensionality

Nobody is only one thing.

We are not just professionals; we’re also partners, friends, artists, and athletes.

Yet, either because culturally, these pieces of us aren’t recognized the same, or they don’t fit well on a resume, we don’t attribute as much weight to them.

But it’s precisely these other shards of our identity that make life worth it.

I heard Ryan Holiday (someone much smarter than me on this) say during an interview that having other aspects of your life gives you support to fall back on when one fails.

Bad day at work? That game of pickleball with your buddies eases the pain.

Your workout sucked? Spend time being a good friend/parent/partner.

Investing in these other aspects of ourselves gives us a soft landing when one falls through.

It’s also an outlet to tap into our creativity and discover new avenues for self-expression.

#2. Cultivating Authentic Relationships

A switch flipped for me at 30.

I almost died (long story for another time), and it helped me realize how little anything really matters outside of those you love.

Yet, in our quest for professional success, this is often the easiest part to overlook.

We take parents and partners for granted.

Misbelieving they’ll always be there.

They won’t.

How many regrets of the dying do we have to read before we understand that these relationships serve as anchors that ground us, reminding us of our inherent worth beyond the confines of our careers?

#3. Embracing Imperfection

A key piece for me has been letting go of the constant need for validation.

I wanted so badly to prove to myself and others that I had what it took to “make it,” I sacrificed everything else.

I’m working on redefining measures of success.

Easier said than done, of course, but by experimenting with writing, photo, and video, I’m finding contentment in simply doing my best.

Even if it’s not stellar (yet!) I can embrace the fact I’ve created something rather than relentlessly chasing an unattainable ideal.

If you want to dive into this more, I highly recommend listening to interviews with Simon Stolzoff or reading his book “The Good Enough Job.”

Hopefully, sharing my story gets the gears turning a little for you.

Thanks for reading,

KO